Boundaries Basics

Boundaries are where it all begins

Boundaries go deep and wide as the foundational aspect of your relationship with yourself.  We learn how to navigate boundaries with the people and the world around us based on our inner boundary compass.  More specifically boundaries assist in creating limits and rules.  Do you ever think about where your boundaries come from? 

Boundaries are created from your childhood/life experience and all the social and cultural environments you have been exposed to during your lifetime.   These experiences have formed a model of perspectives, beliefs, values and opinions that become your operating boundary framework.

There are many kinds of boundaries.  A few different types of boundaries are: Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time boundaries.  Think about how you structure each of these areas in your life.  Are your boundaries porous, and not in line with your values?  Are they too rigid, closing off relationships and possible experiences?  Are they healthy and in line with the direction you would like your life to go? Often we have a mix of porous, rigid and healthy boundaries in different areas of our lives. 

How do you learn to better manage your personal boundaries? 

Know your values - Explore a popular therapeutic exercise called “values clarification;” this can assist you in naming your values and using them as a guide.  Some common values are: freedom, family, safety, and love.

Practice self-respect - putting yourself and your needs first does not mean you do not care about the person, job or situation that is challenging  your boundary.  It simply means you are executing your right to own what you need.  You can show respect to others by communicating your boundary needs. Be assertive when necessary.

Understand your limits - In relationships we can sometimes become confused about our own needs, pay attention to when a situation or person feels too much to handle.

Listen to your emotions - when you hear yourself saying “I have a gut feeling,” trust that intuition to guide you.

Without healthy boundaries we can leave ourselves vulnerable to the desires and goals of others.  Do a boundary self-check today!